My Desperate Need to Build a New Fire within My Soul

     The fires that I feed are the ones that burn inside of me. How were they lit in the first place and why do I keep feeding them the fuel that keeps them burning? I believe it was because I did not realize I am the one that kept these mental fires going. I know now that I need a new fire in my life and to let these other useless fires burnout. Why waste so much of my time on something that is hurting me?
     There are many sparks out there like fire flies that try to keep these old fires burning but all they are doing is burning me out. Not uplifting me, not helping me but only giving me more fuel to burn. Why burn without a cause or a reason but to be only someone else's fire? They may feel they need my heat to keep them warm. It may warm them but it does not warm me. The heat within is devouring my soul. It has weakened me inside.
     A stupid man I have been for just being another log upon the fire. I may not have total control on what comes in but I do have control over what comes out. I will not give another satisfaction at my own expense. I will take control and try to put the old fires out. I will try to build new fires and find the fuel that is needed for them to burn. A hard task this may prove to be but I know somehow that it is not impossible.

A Heartfelt Wish

     I want to wish the Japanese people well in their recovery. Many lives were lost and many lost everything in this disaster. I feel for their lost and their pain.

In Just Living

     From our basic understanding and from our experiences the truth can be known. If something burns our fingers we know there is danger and to stay away. It is the same way we can tell if someone is bad by their harm that they bring upon us or to others. From our experience we come to know what is bad for us and what is good. Even though we are taught certain things from birth we can still see through the lies and find the truth. In just living we can come to know our world.
     In just living we will come to know the loving ones and the cruel ones. We will see those who are succeeding and those who are failing; those who are hiding something and those who have nothing to hide. In our mind we will see the distinction between good and evil. In just living we come to know that which is helpful to our survival and that which is trying to destroy us. We will come to see the beauty in our world and also the ugliness within it. We will see there are many different kinds of people and that a particular race is not a definition of good or evil. In just living we can come to know how to better our lives.

The Way I Feel

    I cannot guess or predict what tomorrow will bring but I can only hope it will be better. Even though I am only a drop in the ocean of life I can say that this drop loves God. Whether or not I am remembered or forgotten does not matter to me. What does matter to me is my relationship with God. If I am loved by him and respected I can say I have done well. As long as I am with God I am happy.
     I believe his people are scattered like seeds to the wind. They were planted by his own hands in every nation so that everyone will come to know him. They live as sheep among the wolfs. Trying their best to live a Christian life and make a difference. They are vessels beaten upon by the raging seas. Vessels that are used by God and loved by him. These people are God's people and he will never leave them. They are his people forever. They will be with God as long as God shall live.

Let Me Be Me

     Let me have a chance to express myself, so to let my spirit soar above the trees. Clip not my wings or tie up my legs but let me be me. I must soar like an eagle and fly like a dove so to feel free. Bind me down not with your judgement nor weigh me down by placing guilt upon me. If there is judgement it is your judgement and if there is guilt it is yours as well for I cannot be made to feel guilty for just being me.
     If the lion still strikes and the leopard pounces and the blood pours out of me. I will die as myself and not as someone wants me to be. Stones maybe thrown and hammers upon nails may come down upon me but I will not give in and become a broken man. It is better to live a short time as yourself then to live a lifetime a lie. Hardships I may have to face and depressed I may become but no one will take my identity away. I will be free in spite of it all and be just me.

Survival of the Fittest?

     Survival of the fittest is what I hear from some people. They lived their lives by it but I was not aware we were living in a jungle and living by the laws of animals and beasts. I thought we were humans living under a higher law of humanity. Perhaps I have been mistaken and the nature of the beast controls over us. Because of my non-compliance to the laws of the jungle I have been made a stranger and even an outcast to those who live by them.
     It is so easy to hurt others in the jungle if you view your life that way. You look at others like an enemy, someone to manipulate and take advantage of. Everyone around you maybe except your family are objects that get in your way. You make the law of the beast into the law of men. You cast away all that we are and you hinder all that we can be. You do things only for yourself and do not consider anybody else at all.
     You do not care if people are suffering or even if you are causing that suffering as long as you are not the one suffering. Beast are to the right and left of you. Beast are all around you. In the jungle is where your mind is fighting for your survival.
     As for me, I see no jungle but only in the minds of those who hurt others for their own advantage. In my eyes, I see a world filled with people with a heart and feelings just like me. I see us not living in a jungle but living upon a world that was created by a loving God.
     I do care what happens to you, to me and to our world. It matters to me when people hurt. It matters to me when they cry out for help. I can hear and see their pain. My eyes are not closed and my heart is still soft enough to feel. A heart that can no longer feel is indeed dead.
    We who live upon this planet are not beast but human beings with a kind and loving heart. Only by choice you have close yourself off to others and took up a defensive stand against them. Only by choice you decided not to stand like a human being but to crawl around like a beast, ripping and tearing at your brothers and sisters.
     I believe those with a survival mind set can change. They just need to soften their hearts just a little and to put down the defenses that they put against us. They need to take a long hard look at those that are around them and see that they are not their enemies at all.
     We are not beasts but human beings. Jesus Christ loved us all enough to die for us, can we not find enough love within our hearts to be kind to one another, to treat each other with a certain amount of respect and human dignity.

The Age of the Prodigal Son

     If Adam and Eve would have stayed in paradise everything would be alright. However out the gate he and Eve went into the thrones and thistles upon our world. They gave up all that they had for what they did not possess. Believing in what God had forbid was good to eat. They doubted the word of God and believed in the lie that the devil told. The lie took them down a road to sin and death.
     The prodigal son like Eve desired the forbidden fruit. He left his paradise, his home and went into a foreign land after it. There he ate his fill. However like the forbidden fruit of Eden it soured his stomach and brought him down into a spiritual death. What he thought he wanted he did not want nor even need. The lie was at work within his mind pushing him down the same road to sin and death. He finally walked away from the lie and found his happiness, when he returned home. Adam and Eve could not return to their home in paradise but they knew there lied the truth and their happiness.
     This is the age of the prodigal son. Where people are still believing in the lie and looking else where for their happiness. The bread of life is from God and so is the truth. A day will come when we will get tired of following the lie. Our eyes will open and we will see the truth. Then we will finally return to our Father, our true home. There we will find our happiness and our peace.