The first Commandment in Matthew 22:37, 38 "And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment." If we are to obey the first commandment we must love the Lord with all of our heart, soul and mind. It did not say to partially love the Lord with a little bit of your heart, soul and mind. The first commandment demands total commitment on our part with every bit of our heart, soul and mind.
I will not question your faith, belief or even the amount of love in your heart for God. I am asking you, are you totally committed to following the path that God has laid out for you through his son Jesus Christ? I believe you really want to but something in your heart is holding you back. You are not really where you want to be in his service. You are struggling to be better but having a hard time to advance in your progress. Total commitment is your goal but partial commitment is where you are now. I know you feel sad and sometimes feel like a failure because of your lack of success however I also know you haven't given up and you will keep on trying to get it right.
We are getting it right by not giving up on ourselves and our God. In time we will find the answers that we are looking for so to succeed in strengthening our commitment to God. In finding those answers we must look deeply inside of ourselves to find that which has become an obstacle to our commitment. Is there something missing in your life that must be found? Is there something broken that must be fixed? Are you holding on to something that must be let go? Something is pulling you away from God. Something is making you to walk backward instead of forward.
Due to our imperfect condition sin can play a big part in why we are not totally committed to God. Especially if it is deeply ingrained within us. For example, it is difficult to over come an addiction that we my have. It will take a lot of work on our part to overcome it. It isn't impossible to overcome an addiction but it does take a commitment on our part to do the work that is necessary. There will be a lot of set backs and you will need to be determined to never give up.
There will come a time when you will reach a point where you are ready to hand your life over to God and make that total commitment to Christ our Lord. I hope for you that you can make a total commitment to God without going through much suffering, however some will only come to God when they hit the bottom and there is no where else to go but up.
Our eyes must be clearly open to see that sin can be the lead weight that is pulling us down. We must come to understand that our sin or whatever weakness that is within us can be a barrier between us and God. If we want to have a total commitment to God, we have to be willing to let go to whatever that is holding us back. Only then we will be ready to give God all of our heart, soul and mind.